Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

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Find your voice, speak your truth, listen deeply—a guide to having more meaningful and mindful conversations through nonviolent communication

We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic—relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack? In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and Nonviolent Communication, Oren Jay Sofer offers simple yet powerful practices to develop healthy, effective, and satisfying ways of communicating. 

The techniques in  Say What You Mean will help you to:
• Feel confident during conversation
• Stay focused on what really matters in an interaction
• Listen for the authentic concerns behind what others say
• Reduce anxiety before and during difficult conversations
• Find nourishment in day-to-day interactions

 
“Unconscious patterns of communication create separation not only in our personal lives, they also perpetuate patterns of misunderstanding and violence that pervade our world. With clarity and great insight, Oren Jay Sofer offers teachings and practices that train us to speak and listen with presence, courage, and an open heart.”  —Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

Review

“Unconscious patterns of communication create separation not only in our personal lives, they also perpetuate patterns of misunderstanding and violence that pervade our world. With clarity and great insight, Oren Jay Sofer offers teachings and practices that train us to speak and listen with presence, courage, and an open heart.”—Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

“Oren Jay Sofer offers us a brilliant intertwining of focused presence and artful engagement. Our work, family, and any other relationships will benefit from his guidance.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Altered Traits

“Full of practical exercises that develop powerful communication and mindfulness skills, this timely and engaging book shows us how caring, curiosity, and connection can transform people’s lives, even in the face of aggression.”—Susan Kaiser Greenland, author of Mindful Games and The Mindful Child

“By the time we reach adulthood, most of us have learned to operate through such deeply engrained patterns of language and behavior that virtually all of our communication involves projection, assumption, and bias. No wonder we often feel so cut off and all alone! Mr. Sofer deftly weaves together his mindfulness practice and principles of Nonviolent Communication to help us learn how to find one another again. This is a powerful guidebook to thinking, speaking, and listening with authenticity and care. Bravo!”—Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness and Real Love
 
“This tremendous book addresses one of the biggest challenges in any relationship: how to combine heart with strength, compassion with assertiveness. Written with great warmth and clarity, it brings together well-researched principles, effective tools and suggestions, powerful experiential practices, and many examples. It is down-to-earth and completely accessible while also being so deep, even profound. If I had just one book to recommend about interpersonal communication, it would be this one.”—Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness

“Oren Jay Sofer’s first book, Say What You Mean, is a helpful guide for speaking wisely and with love. It offers terrific tools and understandings that are critical to the art of communicating clearly and from the heart.”—Jack Kornfield, author of  No Time Like the Present and Bringing Home the Dharma
 
“Meeting the enormous challenges of living in these times calls for an integration of inner practices of mindfulness with outer practices of communicating with honesty, vulnerability, strength, care, and empathy. Oren shows us a way to do just that.”—Miki Kashtan, Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer and author of Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness
 
“Oren Jay Sofer’s eloquent book Say What You Mean could just as well be titled Living What You Mean. Going beyond the surface level of communication, he describes our relational journey together in its inherent connections with how we behave, how we express, perceive, and meet the needs of ourselves and others, how we engage with difference and even conflict, how we negotiate love and anger—in sum, how to fully live this complex life. Sofer gives essential frameworks, perspectives, and skills for our shared humanity.”—Larry Yang, Buddhist teacher and author of Awakening Together: The Spiritual Practice of Inclusivity and Community
 
“Words have tremendous power—both to harm, and to heal. In Say What You Mean, Oren shares a 3-part process for communicating with mindfulness, clarity, and compassion, and creating more connection and understanding in our relationships. In these times of turbulence and conflict, we need this more than ever before.”—Chris Kresser, M.S., L.Ac , New York Times best-selling author of The Paleo Cure and Unconventional Medicine

“Detailed, thorough, and practical, Say What You Mean shines light on the ability of good communication to bring more compassion, kindness, and wisdom to our relationships.”— Foreword Reviews (starred review)

“Through discussion and example, and supported by reflections and practices to ground the teaching, [Oren Jay Sofer] helps us explore our own habituated styles of not just communication, but of viewing the world, and how this impacts how we speak to one another, and, importantly, how we listen.”— Mindful Magazine

About the Author

OREN JAY SOFER leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication around the United States. A member of the Spirit Rock Teacher’s Council, he teaches in the Insight Meditation community, holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for apps and organizations and lives in Richmond, California. Visit www.orenjaysofer.com for more information.

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4.6 out of 54.6 out of 5
561 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

It's Just Me
5.0 out of 5 starsVine Customer Review of Free Product
Exceptional book on communication and connection
Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2018
I have read quite a bit about communication and also about mindfulness, so I wasn’t sure if this book had much to offer me. Turns out, I found this to be a valuable read. I found that the way Sofer clearly and expressively brought a number of ideas (mindfulness,... See more
I have read quite a bit about communication and also about mindfulness, so I wasn’t sure if this book had much to offer me. Turns out, I found this to be a valuable read. I found that the way Sofer clearly and expressively brought a number of ideas (mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication, and somatics) together was a joy. I have encountered the vast majority of the ideas before, but I treasure the way that Sofer brought these ideas together (ideas which are clearly related, but often not combined). I think this stands out above and beyond all the other communication books I have read and highly recommend this to anyone. I will be giving this out as a gift this year.

The basic premise is that you have to be open to yourself and to others in order to be able to communicate in the truest and most connected way. This is a practical book and a deeply moving book at the same time, and, indeed, that is rather the point. Safer explains how the way we communicate affects our relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. Running on autopilot is not the best way to relate. We need to understand where we are coming from and where the other person is coming from. Using observations, emotions, needs and requests, we can focus on what is important.

Since, at least at the time I am writing this, there is no “look inside” feature, here are the contents:
PART 1: The First Step: Lead With Presence
1: the center of our lives
2: the power of mindfulness
3: relational awareness

PART 2: The Second Step: Come From Curiosity and Care
4: the blame game
5: where are you coming from?
6: don’t let the call drop

PART 3: The Third Step: Focus On What Matters
7: getting down to what matters
8: emotional agility
9: enhancing empathy and inner resilience
10: how to raise an issue without starting a fight
11: if you want something, ask for it

PART 4: Bringing It All Together
12: the flow of dialogue
13: running the rapids
14: conclusion: charting your course

Highly recommended! This book has the potential to bring much good to your life, IMHO.

But that''s JustMe
144 people found this helpful
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Patrick Schirmer
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Truly a gift
Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2018
I''m a therapist who works with families and communication is literally my bread and butter. That being said I''ve read no other book that has broke down how to improve my own communication and explained how effective and heart centered communication works as well as this... See more
I''m a therapist who works with families and communication is literally my bread and butter. That being said I''ve read no other book that has broke down how to improve my own communication and explained how effective and heart centered communication works as well as this book has. It has concrete practices that I did with my girlfriend over the phone and in person. It helped our own communication get better and really opened up space for us to dive into the deep stuff. The book breaks down in a step by step fashion how to slowly engage in learning and practicing communication better. It opened my heart to really seeing how communication was developed for me at a young age and how I still carry old patterns of communication that were no longer needed. And through practicing some concrete practices I''ve noticed a huge difference in only a few weeks. If you''re looking for a book around improving your own communication in an easy to read yet deeply insightful book, you''ve found it.
61 people found this helpful
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E.O. Life Coach
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Excellent Resource to Deepen Communication
Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2018
I am a veteran educator and rely on my communication skills to work with students, families and administrators. Delivering messages so they can be heard, and listening to others so they can feel seen and heard is a huge part of my professional existence. If you... See more
I am a veteran educator and rely on my communication skills to work with students, families and administrators. Delivering messages so they can be heard, and listening to others so they can feel seen and heard is a huge part of my professional existence.

If you are interested in deepening your communication and apply mindfulness, self awareness (cognitive, affective and somatic) and concepts from Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication, this book is highly recommended.

This is a VERY well written book by Oren Jay Sofer. The concepts (Oren refers to them as principles) and teachings are well structured and organized so that you are able to process the concepts multiple times during the book to really grasp and let them sink in. Oren shares contemplative practices that support the communication principles and at the end of the chapters, recaps with bullet points and with mini Q and A’s, further exploring the “what ifs” when applying the practice/principles. The list of Roadblocks to Communication was enlightening as there were some in there that didn’t appear as roadblocks, but looking deeply can get in the way of connecting with others.

There is much wisdom and heart in the principles. His “pairing” of Practices (mindfulness related to help build presence, relational awareness, curiosity and care) to apply the principles in communication with others were helpful when I first started. It gave me a felt experience of what my body and mind needed to be when trying out the principles with others.

I also enjoyed his direct and accessible style of writing about the concepts/principles, real life anecdotes (relatable, makes all of us Human!) and the meditation practices (guided online) that come with the book.

A great book to read with a partner to embark on a journey to strengthen communication, for book clubs or summer reading for those who work closely with people and want to deepen connection with others through empathy and curiosity.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
37 people found this helpful
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Not1Not2
3.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Okay but obsessive, redundant and Rosenberg is better for BVC
Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2019
Oren is a good teacher but I think the book has an obsessive quality, he goes on and on. It is useful and many will benefit but after a while I didn''t have the patience to read it. Others will probably appreciate all the detail about. I think... See more
Oren is a good teacher but I think the book has an obsessive quality, he goes on and on. It is useful and many will benefit but after a while I didn''t have the patience to read it. Others will probably appreciate all the detail about. I think the part on somatic experiencing is weak and Marshall Rosenberg''s treatment is a better source for NVC
33 people found this helpful
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Kim D
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Pragmatic and helpful, you will see results
Reviewed in the United States on July 25, 2019
Initially I bought this book because, as a therapist, I thought it would be a nice supplement to the interpersonal effectiveness skills unit I was teaching in my DBT group. I specifically wanted to use a short excerpt on judgment and assumption in communication so I went... See more
Initially I bought this book because, as a therapist, I thought it would be a nice supplement to the interpersonal effectiveness skills unit I was teaching in my DBT group. I specifically wanted to use a short excerpt on judgment and assumption in communication so I went directly to that section of the book and copied a few pages, but I honestly never intended to read the rest of the book. A few months later I saw it on my bookshelf and decided to give it a chance and I''m so glad I did!! This book is a gem. The beginning of the book guides the reader into an exploration of their own personal and unique communication patterns, normalizing the human tendency and desire to get our needs met at any cost, and provides this insight in a gentle spirit of non judgment. The author assists the reader in recognizing and identifying their own ineffective, and sometimes damaging, communication patterns. The next part of the book introduces a plethora of communication techniques and skills and demonstrates how to utlize and implement these skills in a way that honors each persons feelings and meets their unique relational needs. The skills the author provides create a distinct map that one can utilize to weave effortlessly thru difficult conversations and stressful interactions. I cant emphasize enough how helpful and pragmatic these skills are, and with practice, they have a noticeable impact on relationships and interactions. The book is academic yet it is also an easy and enjoyable read. The sheer number of skills introduced can feel overwhelming at times, but that is just a minor criticism. I have one suggestion and that would be to include, at the end of the book, a list of all the skills taught, a ranking of importance, and a formula to assit with implementatiom of these skills, such as, " start with this skill and then, when comfortable, add this skill, and so on." All and all, I am so happy to have found this book and i would definitely read other books by this author.
14 people found this helpful
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Renee Baude
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
I''m no longer the Atomic Mom Bomb!!!
Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2019
"Mom, are you feeling ok?" was a comment made to me by my youngest kid as I was reading this book. I have learned how we fundamentally want to be heard and communication is a way for our needs to be met--but first we need to learn how to listen and speak in a new way.... See more
"Mom, are you feeling ok?" was a comment made to me by my youngest kid as I was reading this book. I have learned how we fundamentally want to be heard and communication is a way for our needs to be met--but first we need to learn how to listen and speak in a new way. This book breaks it down making it easy for me to embrace the change AND explain it to my kids so we can be more effective in our communication.

I high recommend this book.
13 people found this helpful
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rob ron
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Best resource available on communication.
Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2019
This very well may be the best resource available to develop better communication skills in relationships. If you are interested in learning about this subject this book will be an invaluable resource. It provides a nice balance of theoretical background and practical... See more
This very well may be the best resource available to develop better communication skills in relationships. If you are interested in learning about this subject this book will be an invaluable resource. It provides a nice balance of theoretical background and practical applications. The only possible criticism I can see with this book is its length. If one is not keenly interested in the subject material it would be easy to shy away from reading the book in its entirety. Even so just reading the highlights and main principles of the book should prove quite worthwhile.
9 people found this helpful
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mando
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Wonderful book!! Exceeded all my expectations!!
Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2018
I have recently discovered “Say What You Mean” by Oren Jay Sofer. I was searching for help with my communication skills, especially with friends, music students, and band members. Too often I felt frustrated at being misunderstood or not listened to; and felt unsatisfied... See more
I have recently discovered “Say What You Mean” by Oren Jay Sofer. I was searching for help with my communication skills, especially with friends, music students, and band members. Too often I felt frustrated at being misunderstood or not listened to; and felt unsatisfied and painfully self-aware during “deeper” conversations.
And at times, while conversing, I’d be planning what to say next, rather than listening to what was being said.

This book is the perfect answer to my quest: helpful information and easy-to-follow tips about how to change my relationship to conversation, to develop deeper awareness and presence, curiosity and compassion for the other person (and myself!), skills in staying grounded and relevant, finding what is most important, and tips on staying safe and aware during difficult conversations.

And although, as he states, these suggestions are not a “quick-fix” but a learning practice, they have already enhanced the quality, comfort, and enjoyment of my conversations. Using the book’s suggestions, I’m developing stronger awareness and access to my own resources of wisdom, memories, knowledge, peacefulness – (the things I lose when I become self-conscious, distracted, or go on auto-pilot). With the book’s suggestions, I’m now able to give fuller attention to conversations, practice suspending judgments and prejudices about myself or another, and as my practice deepens, to appreciate the immense possibilities and gifts this kind of communication offers.
8 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Andrew T.
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
A kind and non-dogmatic approach to communication
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 4, 2019
Sensible, practical, compassionate, flexible and kind. I thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who might be looking to improve their communication skills. Also useful for anyone wishing to break the cycles of aggression or agitation with a particular person. This book...See more
Sensible, practical, compassionate, flexible and kind. I thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who might be looking to improve their communication skills. Also useful for anyone wishing to break the cycles of aggression or agitation with a particular person. This book has helped me become more courageous and clear in my own practice. I will be returning to the book often.
Sensible, practical, compassionate, flexible and kind.

I thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who might be looking to improve their communication skills. Also useful for anyone wishing to break the cycles of aggression or agitation with a particular person.

This book has helped me become more courageous and clear in my own practice. I will be returning to the book often.
9 people found this helpful
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mr andrew p whitehead
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Great book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 6, 2020
Great book would recommend
Great book would recommend
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Fredy Emch-Zielinska
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Inhaltlich und didaktisch hervorragend
Reviewed in Germany on April 20, 2020
Ich bin begeistert vom Inhalt und Aufbau des Buches. Es gibt mir, einfach zu lesen, einen sehr praktischen Rahmen, zum Erlernen und Einüben von Gewaltfreier Kommunikation, ich nenne sie lieber Sanfte Kommunikation. Dies kann sehr nützlich sein für Jedermann vor allem bei...See more
Ich bin begeistert vom Inhalt und Aufbau des Buches. Es gibt mir, einfach zu lesen, einen sehr praktischen Rahmen, zum Erlernen und Einüben von Gewaltfreier Kommunikation, ich nenne sie lieber Sanfte Kommunikation. Dies kann sehr nützlich sein für Jedermann vor allem bei spannungsgeladenen Gesprächen. Am Schluss des Buches gibt es eine hilfreiche kurze Uebersicht und Zusammenfassung des ganzen Stoffes, dazu Internetlinks zu Audioaufnahmen der Uebungen.
Ich bin begeistert vom Inhalt und Aufbau des Buches.
Es gibt mir, einfach zu lesen, einen sehr praktischen Rahmen,
zum Erlernen und Einüben von Gewaltfreier Kommunikation,
ich nenne sie lieber Sanfte Kommunikation. Dies kann sehr nützlich sein für Jedermann vor allem bei spannungsgeladenen Gesprächen.
Am Schluss des Buches gibt es eine hilfreiche kurze
Uebersicht und Zusammenfassung des ganzen Stoffes, dazu Internetlinks zu Audioaufnahmen der Uebungen.
One person found this helpful
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Natalie Antje Ulrich
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
NVC + mindfulness = perfect fit!
Reviewed in Germany on July 17, 2021
In this book, Sofer does a great job by combining principles of nonviolent communication (NVC) with mindfulness. While NVC offers a way how to communicate based on our needs, mindfulness practices allow us to actually get to point where we are able to to so, instead of...See more
In this book, Sofer does a great job by combining principles of nonviolent communication (NVC) with mindfulness. While NVC offers a way how to communicate based on our needs, mindfulness practices allow us to actually get to point where we are able to to so, instead of relying on our autopilot and habitual communication strategies. I also like the emphasis on empathy in the book, which for me, is summarised in the basic stance of curiosity and care towards the person I am interacting with. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in NVC!
In this book, Sofer does a great job by combining principles of nonviolent communication (NVC) with mindfulness. While NVC offers a way how to communicate based on our needs, mindfulness practices allow us to actually get to point where we are able to to so, instead of relying on our autopilot and habitual communication strategies.
I also like the emphasis on empathy in the book, which for me, is summarised in the basic stance of curiosity and care towards the person I am interacting with.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in NVC!
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Maria M, Australia
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
filled with gold
Reviewed in Australia on July 24, 2020
I purchased the same book from Amazon and another company. They both gave around the same time in delivery, but I received the book in one week from the other company, compared to Amazon which took a month. I had already finished reading the book by the time I received the...See more
I purchased the same book from Amazon and another company. They both gave around the same time in delivery, but I received the book in one week from the other company, compared to Amazon which took a month. I had already finished reading the book by the time I received the one from Amazon. This happened in the middle of Covid times, and it may have something to do with the method of delivery they both used. As for the book, it was full of useful, practical information. It was very clearly written and easy to follow. I had also brought the audio version through Amazon earlier, and I heard so much ''gold'' in it, I wanted to get the hard copy so I could refer to the points more quickly. Love the book. Brought extra copies to give away.
I purchased the same book from Amazon and another company. They both gave around the same time in delivery, but I received the book in one week from the other company, compared to Amazon which took a month. I had already finished reading the book by the time I received the one from Amazon. This happened in the middle of Covid times, and it may have something to do with the method of delivery they both used.
As for the book, it was full of useful, practical information. It was very clearly written and easy to follow. I had also brought the audio version through Amazon earlier, and I heard so much ''gold'' in it, I wanted to get the hard copy so I could refer to the points more quickly. Love the book. Brought extra copies to give away.
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Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach sale outlet online sale to Nonviolent Communication online